• The sea will look after me

    THE SEA
  • UB boy makes his choice and decides to go to the beach. There he gives the care of the Child in him back to the mighty Sea. Without any words. He promises the Child to take it back as soon as everything is alright. He’ll then wake it in a Heaven's dawn.

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  • The Child in me

    The Child and the Sea


    Part 1: The sea will look after me
    Part 2: We've come to take the child
    Part 3: A walk on the Pier
    Part 4: A man asking God

    There is a child in me. It has simple wishes. To be nourished, loved, protected and to be shown the world, the excitement that is to find there. Father and Mother are God and Goddess and brothers and sister are mates that share the same experiences. There is no morality, parents just have to deliver. On the other hand what they want, they get.

  • This is a system that has been working for generations and generations. And as a child I spotted similar systems in the world around me. And so I saw my cousins go along the same way with their parents and I saw our parents comply to our grandparents.

    When Father and Mother break up and the system breaks as a result, and they fail to deliver anymore and want my understanding and compassion, with no room to empathize anymore what it means and does to their children, the Child in me is cut off nourishment. It starts crying. And me as its host that still is a child myself tries to sooth it, tries to find its nourishment and tries to fulfill its needs.

  • Now looking back I actually see three ways to choose from depending on the age of that 'host'. Extending the Child’s crying by crying yourself or get mad, or try to come up with clever solutions. Or ignore the facts and flee.

    It mostly is a combination of all. And don’t forget that this all happens in pain and sorrow. Parents and children all find themselves in this disturbing state wherein it is hard and nearly impossible to tackle it wisely and well-thought-out. UB Boy fled to dreams, tried to make sense of the world by scientific deduction and was deeply sad.

  • When UB Boy broke up with his punk girl after 11 years he felt the heartburn and discovered that in fact this was the same feeling as the butterflies in his stomach when he met her. Funny. And he also found out, or rather remembered, that he had that feeling as a fifteen year old daily and for 4 years in a row..! Apparently it is not just two parents that break up with each other, it is a whole family that falls apart. UB Boy felt as if he divorced his girlfriend.

  • So he carried and dragged the Child in him around until he no longer could deliver and had to admit HIS shortcoming. He couldn’t hand it over to his parents (God and Goddess) cause they didn’t seem to recognize UB Boy’s struggle with his Child in the first place. So he had to find someone that was bigger than his parents, that created them.

  • That must be the Sea! All life eventually came from there. Since UB Boy wasn’t raised up with the sense of God, the Sea would be a good and practical embodiment. And UB Boy lived at the sea, he could come by every day to see the Child. And so UB Boy decided to hand over the care for the Child to a very trustful ‘person’: The Sea.

  • The Sea - October 1984
    The sea will look after me
    Let me go to the beach. The black sea that swallowed the history that's mine, before I was born. The sandy colour covering my feet. This is all I need. This is all I need. No I want blue, the sky above me. Crashing insanities to develop a sane one. A mother, a hand, a talking moon. Boy, am I confusing. But it's the child's language. The simple cry raised out of the sea. No-one can hide its stretched out arms. So helpless, but it needs the water it comes from. You just wait child. Everything's gonna be alright. Back to the sea. And when you're sound asleep I'll wake you in a heaven's dawn.